I Might As Well Quit This Lousy Wizard Profession

Chapter 103 - 103 096 Outlandish Witchcraft of the Tree Hollow

?Chapter 103: 096 Outlandish Witchcraft of the Tree Hollow Chapter 103: 096 Outlandish Witchcraft of the Tree Hollow The Wizard known as ‘Xiao Susu’ gave Lin An the feeling of someone who was like Mr. Liu, a kind of old smoothie in the workplace, a seasoned veteran in society.

His spirit familiar looked particularly peculiar.

It was an oil painting portrait, with dark golden frames; in the painting, a goat was drinking by a creek where a crocodile was in the water, and a leopard with a goat’s horns was in the tree behind.

Green, oily fur covered the back of the frame, resembling moldy mycelium.

Below the frame grew a pair of thick crocodile legs, and atop the frame, a leopard’s head with goat horns.

Most importantly, it was covered in various black lines that resembled oil stains.

This is…

Lin An’s expression flashed as he could guess that this chubby man must have learned Dark Witchcraft, which is why his spirit familiar appeared to be corrupted by it.

“We guides only have two tasks, to teach you mask witchcraft and direct you to the hollow. As for other issues, I reserve the right not to answer,”

Xiao Susu quickly tucked away the recording table and spoke very rapidly, “I know you newcomers have too many questions, but I’m already impatient with your myriad of whys; who knows when you’re going to die.”

Lin An was taken aback, “Is the death rate of Wizards that high?”

“Look!” Xiao Susu chuckled, “So damn many questions.”

“I used to think about forming good relationships, but most of the wizard newcomers didn’t survive the emotional turmoil, such a waste of my energy.”

Sorry~

I wasn’t asking you.

The spirit familiar that was Xiao Susu’s painting frame began to speak, which was amazing; it wasn’t the leopard’s head with goat horns on the frame that spoke, but the goat in the painting that was drinking water.

“Meh~~~”

—— I wonder when it started that newly awakened Wizards especially tend to become those weak Sorcerer Zombies; I suspect it has to do with them learning Dark Witchcraft.

—— Forget it; I don’t want to get involved in the struggle between the ‘Dark Sorcerer’ and the ‘White Witch’ within the Tree Hole Organization, heh heh, I’m clever, minding my own business. Newcomers though, they’re screwed, especially those joining now; they’re just pure cannon fodder.

The Wizard Xiao Susu went through the motions, “I’m only going to say this once, so listen up; go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of ‘Master Fan’s Green Tea.’ Remember not to buy the sugar-free new flavor; go for the original honey jasmine green tea.”

“Any supermarket will do, either the 500 milliliter or the 1-liter bottle.”

“That thing is a loophole the Wizards’ Alliance has opened up for domestic use; our Tree Hole is established upon it.”

“Then you fill a basin with water, sit on a chair and soak your feet in it, and then drink at least 50 milliliters in one gulp, silently repeating ‘Crazy Male Witch’s Tree Hole’ over and over, and you will appear inside the tree hollow.”

His words rained down like machine gun fire until he finally slowed down, “I should have made it very clear, right?”

“Soak feet, drink, and then chant.”

Lin An listened with a bizarre expression to this absurd method, Master Fan’s Green Tea? He often drank that, but never thought it had anything to do with Wizardry.

Seeing Lin An nod, Wizard Xiao Susu smiled satisfiedly, “Good, then there’s just one last task left, teaching you to create a mask.”

“First, please take out your smartphone.”

“Smartphone?”

Lin An blinked, suddenly feeling that the approach of ‘Crazy Male Witch’s Tree Hole’ was rather outlandish.

Still, he complied and took out his phone.

He sure didn’t want to add this ‘Xiao Susu’ to his contacts, what with everyone being verified by their real names, easily traceable.

“First, we enter the app store and search for this ‘Funny Face Maker 666,’ a face-pinching app, and download it.”

“It offers a wealth of materials and supports custom drawings too.”

“Then there’s an export function inside it. The first time you use the export it’s free, after that it’s paid; just be aware of that.”

Lin An was astonished, “Is this software from our Tree Hole Organization?”

He had heard of this software, given the small circle of Shenhou City Software Development Company. Even without intentionally learning about it, he’d hear about fun facts and stories from coworkers and knew of a particularly impressive operation leader in the company that developed the face-pinching app.

Wizard Xiao Susu didn’t answer Lin An’s question, acting as if he hadn’t heard it.

But his spirit familiar gave an answer.

“Meh~”

—— We influenced the developers’ thinking, making them create templates that fit the mask-making style.

Poof~

Xiao Susu the wizard continued, “You go to any print shop that makes billboards on the side of the road and have them print it on transparent paper.”

“Then you go to the supermarket and buy some eggs, about a pound, two cucumbers, a fresh aloe vera, and a small jar of honey, that’s it, and then…”

Then I can cook a meal!

Lin An didn’t know with what mentality he was listening to this stuff; what kind of connection did it have with witchcraft?

But he had to use his spirituality to help his brain remember all the information that the fat man was telling him, not a single detail could be missed.

“Then you go to a pharmacy and buy a bag of pearl powder, damn it, there was an idiot who didn’t listen, casually bought pearl powder at the supermarket, ended up with a shoddy product which messed up the ritual magic, it damn near killed me.”

“You hear that? Buy it at the pharmacy!”

Lin An nodded to indicate that he had remembered.

“Juice the cucumber and aloe vera, filter out the pulp, and mix it with the egg whites, honey, and pearl powder.”

“Finally, add two drops of your own blood, then stir until it’s even.”

“Next, find a mirror and stick the transparent paper with the mask pattern on it, aligning your face with the mask in the mirror.”

Xiao Susu pointed at his eyes, “Remember, it’s okay if the other parts aren’t aligned perfectly, but the eyes must be within the eye sockets of the mask pattern, otherwise, don’t blame me if the mask you turn into obscures your vision.”

“Got it,” Lin An said earnestly.

“Good,” Xiao Susu the wizard gestured with his hand, “Remember, during the process, don’t take your eyes off the mirror, or you will definitely fail.”

“Take a spoon or a brush and apply the mixture on the mask pattern of the transparent paper and also on your own face.”

“First apply to the mask, then your face, then the mask again, then your face again, so slowly both you and the mask are covered in the mixture.”

“Lastly, and this is the most important step!”

Xiao Susu the wizard’s expression became extremely serious, “Willpower, remember, willpower is the key to the success of this witchcraft!”

“Hold one edge of the transparent paper on the mirror, then close your eyes and imagine your face turning into the mask pattern on the transparent paper.”

“It’s not just about imagining, you have to firmly believe that your face is that shape!”

“Then, vigorously tear off the transparent paper!”

“If you open your eyes to see yourself in the mirror wearing the mask, then it means your witchcraft is complete.”

“Once you learn it, it’s simple. You’ll find you can control your face to become either normal or masked.”

“If it doesn’t work, then practice repeatedly until you succeed!”

Having said all this, Xiao Susu the wizard looked at Lin An, “Now, I’ll answer one of your questions for free. Think carefully before you ask!”

Lin An raised an eyebrow, “I just want to know if there are any side effects or bad impacts from this witchcraft.”

“No! The only issue is that once you’ve completed this mask witchcraft, you can’t change your appearance,” Xiao Susu answered very straightforwardly.

His spirituality synchronously provided the answer.

“Baah~”

—No side effects, and you can modify it, and even erase the traces of the witchcraft on yourself, but it requires a more complex form of witchcraft, one not even he (Xiao Susu) could access.

“Three days!”

Xiao Susu held up three fingers, “Within three days, I need you to report to the Tree Hole Organization, and that marks the complete end of my guiding mission.”

“If you can’t show up within three days, I’ll still come find you, help you hand by hand, but only concerning the mask witchcraft and entering the Tree Hole methods I’ve just told you about.”

“But by then, you’ll have to pay me a penalty for not completing the guiding mission on time, plus my extra teaching fee.”

“Flat rate, three thousand bucks a day.”

Xiao Susu the wizard left soon after, arriving with a cool demeanor but leaving by walking down the stairs.

Lin An saw him out the door, his eyes lingering in the direction he’d left, and he smiled slightly.

Licked his lips.

“Hehe, I’ll be there very soon!”