Yarra’s Adventure Notes

Chapter 26 - 26 18 Dream Fragments_1

?26: Chapter 18 Dream Fragments_1 26: Chapter 18 Dream Fragments_1 Where…

is this?

I open my eyes, observing the familiar environment around me.

The sky is immersed in darkness, three moons were shinning in the night sky, the night wind whips up the yellow sand from the ground, blowing it into the far-off distance.

Who…

am I?

I remember now, I am Kyle, the pride of the human race, the guardian of justice and bravery, the most immaculate demigod.

And she…

who is she?

Who was approaching me?

Who was walking under the starlit sky, above the yellow sand?

Those thinly brushed eyebrows, those gentle yet resolute eyes, the straight and noble nose, and the slight, gentle smile at the edge of her mouth.

That black long hair, that silver-white armor, and that long spear glinting in the cold light under the night sky.

All felt so familiar, including your spontaneously open arms for a hug, so familiar, and so dearly missed.

But why was my body trembling uncontrollably?

What was I fearing?

Why did I want to escape as far as possible?

Who are you, exactly?

Ha, I remember now.

You are Nellie, a human, my comrade in arms, my…

my…

my…

lover.

Looking around, it all made sense now.

The Sighing Desert, indeed, it was here again.

My sin, the place of hibernation, the place that appears in my dreams every night.

And…

you, who appears in my dreams every night, my…

darling.

How many years has it been?

Countless times, I thought I had escaped, I thought I had lost humanity, would have no regrets, and would feel no guilt anymore.

Regrettably, every night, every dream, always tell me, in reality, I had never escaped.

I’ve always been here, forever sinking in this nightmare that is like hell itself.

“Kyle, you’re finally back.” Holding me, you are exactly the same as before.

As straightforward and gentle as you always were.

Your voice, indeed, is still so familiar.

“Ever since you went to Dragon Mountain, I have been worried about you.

The two large forests in the south and north, aren’t they the graveyards of demigods?” Hehe, you’re always like this.

In your heart, apart from the spirit of the knight, was there only space for me, this sinner?

“Until I deal with this matter, I won’t die, even if I have to face the rulers of the Magical Beast Forest.” Such arrogance, such heroic spirit, but now it sounds, haha, so nauseating: “Even if I were to die, for the peace of all of Yarra, for the justice in our hearts, I will not be afraid.

Isn’t sacrificing for justice the ideal in our hearts?”

You foolish man, you cowardly and despicable waste.

You’re always this arrogant.

You always strive for perfection.

You’re always purposefully seeking virtues for others to laud.

You’ve always wanted others to see you as a saint, but in reality, you’re just worthless, you’re just an ordinary and useless waste, you’re just a cowardly, lowly and despicable waste when confronted with the mighty and the inevitable death.

“Hah, Nellie, an old friend is arriving soon, let’s go greet him.” Ha, silly guy, be proud, be high-spirited.

The more you are like this, the more you’ll hate yourself when you discover your true character, your weaknesses, cowardice, and despicable nature.

Do you understand this principle?

That many years ago…

me, in my dream…

I.

Hehe, I know, I can no longer escape, I know, my soul will stay here, unable to leave.

I know, every night, I’ll return here, I’ll relive each moment of this battle.

Every night, I will confront…

my sin again.

This must be punishment.

Punishment for my cowardice and baseness.

Every night, the punishment continues.

An unending nightmare.

Never-ending sin and punishment.

Come on, I admit my evil deeds, I accept judgement, I will face the punishment.

Let me face my crimes once more, this, after all, is the retribution I deserve.

…

…

…

————————————————

“Ha, ha, ha, ha,” Pannis gasped heavily, waking from a nightmare once again, looking at the dark dome of the cave through his sweat-soaked hair clinging to his face.

The trembling of his body gradually subsided, his curled body slowly stretched out, Pannis wiped the sweat away from his face, leaving a trace of either sweat or tears, revealing a mocking smile.

“You’re having a hard time, aren’t you, Pannis?” Lina’s voice was no longer elegantly crisp, but rather hoarse and magnetic.

“What are you talking about, Miss Lina?” Pannis was awake now, he got up briskly and walked under the lamp, opened his water bottle, and took a few gulps of cold water.

Lina shook her head with a smile, counter questioned, “What Catherine wants to do, you are very well aware, aren’t you?”

“Foolish knight, foolish notion of knighthood.” Pannis tossed the water bottle aside, his hands covering his face, a hollow sound came out from under his hands, “Foolish mercy, foolish redemption, that’s why, I hate knights.”

“Yes, Catherine is indeed foolish.” Lina agreed with Pannis’s opinion: “She has always aspired to be a knight like Nellie from a young age, so she also vowed to embody the spirit of knighthood for her whole life.

Actually, that’s not a problem.

The issue is, she is so foolish that she really goes ahead and does it.”

“Knights, they all have this problem.” There was a subtle sigh in Pannis’s voice: “Sacrifice, mercy, benevolence, justice, glory, they never understood that these things would eventually kill them.”

“Maybe they do understand.” Lina replied with a smile, speaking softly: “Perhaps they think it’s better to embrace death than lose these virtues.”

Pannis sighed softly, his tone reverting to its usual indifference: “What are you trying to tell me?”

Lina casually rested her right hand on her collarbone below her neck, her demeanor exuding an innate seductive charm: “Since you understand what Catherine wants to do, why do you step back every time?

Many of her demands, you could completely refuse, why don’t you?”

“She is my employer.” Pannis’s reply was straightforward.

“Really?” Lina giggled, her voice filled with amusement: “But, you can even turn down this commission.

As Catherine mentioned before, gold coins have no real meaning to you.

So, how can an employment agreement bind you?”

“I…”

“You long for it too, don’t you?” Lina interrupted Pannis’s defense, affirmatively stating.

“Waking from nightmares every night, struggling with pressure every day, freezing yourself out, refusing every act of kindness from the outside world, constantly punishing yourself with pain, but incessantly stimulating yourself with alcohol and sex.

Even so, deep down inside, you are longing, aren’t you?

Longing for redemption, longing to escape from all this.”

“No.” Pannis instinctively raised his voice, startled by his outburst, he glanced back to see that the sleeping girls weren’t disturbed, then he lowered his voice and argued, “This is my sin, this is my punishment, no one can save me, no one ever can.”

“Well, who knows what the outcome would be without trying?” Lina laughed softly, showing no sign of increasing pressure on Pannis, instead she began to talk about herself: “In fact, speaking of our adventure team, who doesn’t have some unmentionable painful memories, who doesn’t have a story behind them that can’t be mentioned?”

“It’s your adventure team.” Pannis tried to correct her.

“Okay, okay.” Lina casually conceded: “It’s our adventure team, are you satisfied now?

In the team, myself, Vivian, even Catherine herself, all have unpleasant pasts.

Vivian and I were once like you, in pain, indifferent, eccentric.

If you had met us a few years ago, you’d never believe we were the same people as before.”

Pannis remained silent, expressionless, and no one knew what he was thinking.

Lina didn’t expect any response from Pannis, she kept talking: “We were still like this, and we thought we would be cold and painful forever, but then, Catherine reached out to us.

So, we have all been redeemed, why don’t you gather the courage to try?”

“You don’t understand.” Pannis shook his head, sighing deeply: “I’ll say it again, no one can save me, I’ll never be saved.”

“Perhaps.” Lina stood up, noncommittally speaking.

“We’ll be working together for a long time to come, we’ll see.

Hee hee, I’ll be counting on you.”

“Oh, Pannis.” Lina slowly approached Pannis, with an irresistible charm in her smile and gestures, and her graceful posture, every gesture exuding unspeakable charm: “It’s your turn to keep watch, I’m going to bed, you can do it, good night.”

Looking at Lina’s swaying silhouette, Pannis casually asked, “Have you changed …

again?”

“Yes.” Lina turned around, raising the book in her hand: “The Princess and the Empire, Princess Heidi.”

“Hmm, very…” Pannis thought about his wording: “Very unique.”

“Shhh, I’ll let you in on a secret.” Lina lowered her voice: “Actually, sister Catherine said I was too destructive, she won’t let me out.

But if I’m not allowed out, I’ll get lonely, so when I’m alone at night, I let myself out to get some fresh air, but I’ll go back early in the morning.

Hehe, got you all confused?

Goodbye, see you when I get another chance.”

“You are indeed very destructive.” Pannis said: “You should go rest, I will wake you up before departure.”

“Redemption?” looking at Lina climbing into her sleeping bag, Pannis murmured to himself: “Can someone like me possibly be redeemed?”

Bowing his head, murmuring to himself, Pannis suddenly laughed silently, a soundless, yet hysterical laughter, laughing till he was drained, laughing till he was crying.

The cave was silent, four girls slept soundlessly, a mysteriously eerie scene played out, a man sitting under the light, silently laughing to tears, contrasted with the sleeping girls.